I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize