they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
