i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
