Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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