i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
