I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
