In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
