One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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