But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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