I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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