It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
