I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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