Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They have beer where we have blood.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
