Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my sisters under your porch take her home
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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