i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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