xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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