i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
