And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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