just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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