Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
