He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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