I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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