is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
