You can't special order awesome
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail