I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience