omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon