I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK