can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.