Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.