I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
These 27 Creepy People Did The Craziest Things To Prove Their Love
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.