the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo