Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
