I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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