Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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