i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
