I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize