Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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