the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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