I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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