so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
