I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
