Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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