What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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