If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
