remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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