Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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