Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
