I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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