I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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