I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
