I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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