I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
