guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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