just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
