we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
