so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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