you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
