my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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