I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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