I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize