this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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