After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She made me pour olive oil on her.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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