You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
