If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
