Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
