Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
