What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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