piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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