I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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