Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
