Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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