There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Send help, water and tortillas.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The Olympian is in my bed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
